Credit Crunch – The Whisky Boys Cure
As you all know spring is now here, but as always with this time of year we are lulled into thinking that a spot of sunshine means that there is warmth in the air, not the case in Scotland. It was on one of these bright, but cool evenings that Dougie and Jim were huddled around a warming dram that talk turned to the dire effects of the credit crunch.
Cathie and Jacqueline were discussing the practical difficulties for some families and how the cost of not only utility bills, but food, petrol etc have increased. The boys were in agreement but thought they were more capable to make significant economies within a household to hold back the dire effects of the credit crunch . At this point the girls could not hold back and said – ok smarty pants go for it – give us your list.
The Credit Crunch Cure.
* Ignore all sell by dates
* Do not buy any woman’s shoes
* Do not replace any female clothes
* Do not use tumble drier – only dry the clothes on a line – even if it takes a week
* Get wife to develop a vegetable patch and grow their own veg
* Get wife to keep chickens in garden – provide own eggs and also have chicken to eat at end of exercise
* Remove all bank cards and credit cards from wife
* Reduce wife to only one main meal a day (two for the Boys as they are grown men !!)
* Reduce the size of wife’s one meal as they are too fat anyway
* Avoid decorating – just wash all walls and hard surfaces rather than repainting etc.( wives job)
* Turn heating down as wife will be very warm due to all the increased cleaning she will be doing
* In Jims case completely turn off heating and get wife to collect wood and coal for the open fire .
* In Dougies Case – Cathie can get a duvet to cover her on these chilly nights.
* Get wife’s to walk more and save petrol.
* Get wife to take up fishing and they can catch her own, gut the fish and then cook it for the Boys
* Get wives to try catching rabbits (loads running wild in the fields, but wives will need to improve the running skills if they hope to catch them)
* Get wives to enter as many free competitions as they can – especially if Whisky is involved.
* When absolutely essential get the wives to food shop, but never on an empty stomach as they may buy more if hungry
* Get wives only to only buy items on special offer or in the “reduced to clear” section.
* Avoid baths at all times – only shower – but make it quick.
* Get wives to ensure that car tyres are not under-inflated
* The Boys are also willing to make a major cut to expenditure and were in complete agreement that at a push, and I mean an absolute push, they could reduce their Whisky intake to Supermarket own brands – particularly if they are on special offer, but it was noted that due to the supermarket own brands tending to not be of such a fine quality as they are used to that it may take additional tasting sessions, before they could actually pin down the precise aspects of the flavours.
* One other cut the Boys will make is to buy 70 cl bottles of Malt rather than their usual 1 litre bottles ( this crunch is biting)
After listening to their husbands Cathie and Jacqueline, we in complete agreement, that Dougie and Jim’s next meal would incorporate a few laxatives. One should never get on the wrong side of one’s wife.